2nd year special - From Julie Ann

The younger sister that I never had

I never had a younger sibling.

I was not delivered normally, meaning, my mother had to undergo a critical surgery before letting me live. She has some heart irregularities, that’s why it’s critical, it even came to the point that the doctor asked my father to choose, whether to let me or my mother live. My father chose us both. Backed up with prayers, disobeying the doctor’s opinion, we lived both. A modern testimony of faith. Because of that, my mother can no longer bear another child. So It’s just me and my ate forever with no more bunso but I.

I’m a kuya to my cousins, but I was never a kuya to a younger sibling. Not to a younger sister, nor to a younger brother. It’s different, I know it. And besides, my younger cousins are too young to say that they’re not even in the next age bracket as I. The emptiness I feel then, I still feel now. Perhaps, not anymore.

Friends. What are they? Who can they be? Where are they? Why them? How do you know if they’re real or not?

“When two people fell in love, they say it’s magic.”

Some people said, when a guy and a girl becomes best-friends, it’s inevitable that they fall in love. I disagree. If two guys, or two girls can become best-friends, why not a girl and a guy?

Is that fair to think that a guy and girl can’t be as close as siblings? Why? In Filipino, I’ll call it ‘malisya’.

Again, let me add something.
“When two people fell in love, they say it’s magic.
But when two people learn not to fall in love but stay in love in a platonic manner, it’s more magical.”

Recently, a girl or a lady (if she likes to be called one already) was added to my REAL friends-list.
You know her?
let’S jusy sAy that capItalization is good.
You get it?

She’s good to me, and she’s being good. We share our wildest stories, our happiest moments, our most oblivious ones, even the weirdest thoughts. It can’t be helped, but I already, or rather we did, expected that people might think wrong. We did not care.

Funny as it may seem, when she’s down, I’m up. When she’s up, I’m down. Maybe it’s God way to let us feel that we really need each other (hey friend, do you feel it also?). We share different random thoughts, argue about it but end up laughing and having the same conclusion.

As for me, I feel empty when we don’t talk.
I miss her company as much as I miss my other guy best friends’ company.
She brings happiness to me when she’s happy, and I want to return the favor by being available for her all the time.
I once said that I can’t promise anymore. She said “You can’t promise me?”, I changed my mind. I can now.

By that time, I know she’s the reason why God never gave me a younger sister.
By that time, I know she’s the younger sister that I never had

Hoy! Pagibig, eto na letter ko sayo..

12 taong gulang ako nung una kitang makita.
Sabi nila di ka pa raw nagpapakita sa mga kasing edad ko, pero alam kong  hindi yung totoo, dahil pagkapanganak ko pa lang, alam ko nang ikaw ang ugat ng pagkabuhay ko. Siguro eh iba lang ang nakikilala ng ibang kasing edad ko. Ang dami kasing impostor na gumagaya sayo.

Alam mo ba, nakita kita dati, sa pinakaunang pagkakaton, nakita kita hindi sa mga kapamilya ko.
Isang babae ang may bitbit sayo, ang problema iba ang nakikita niyang bitbit ko, at ayaw niya atang magshare kami sa mga bitbit namin. In short basted ako. hay.. kaka birthday ko pa lang naman nun, bakit hindi ka nagpakita sa kanya?

3 years after, nasa college na ko, nakita na naman kita, at mabuti na lang ang babaeng may dala sayo eh medyo malinaw ang mata, nakita niyang ikaw din ang bitbit ko. 4 na taon din naming pinagsaluhan ang kaligayahang dulot mo. Pero bakit ganun? nanjan ka parin naman diba? Nasa samin ka parin? Pero bakit parang ikaw mismo ang umaayaw na? Wag naman ganun, ayokong umabot sa ganun.

Natapos na ang desisyon. Nawala ka na na naman sa paningin ko. Pero alam mo, nararamdaman parin kita ngayon.

20 anyos na ako sa makalawang linggo, magpakita ka kaya sa akin ulit?
Palagay ko kasi nakita na kita ulit.
Makita ka din kaya niya sa akin? Mukhang malabo, oops di ako negative, kaya lang lam mo, parang salbahe ka sakin eh no, kasi bago ka magpakita sakin, nagpakita ka na sa kanila. Nahuli na ako. Pero it’s better late than never nga naman diba. Next time kasi agahan mo

Hmmm.. Palagay ko nga nakita na kita ulit. Final answer!
Lam mo kung bakit?
kasi bumamalik yung mga dati kong pakiramdam.

Tila ba gusto ko siyang makita araw araw, nalulungkot naman ako pag wala siya, at mas nalulungkot ako pag nakikita kita sa kanya pero ibang tao kausap mo. Pero masaya parin, kasi nakita kita.

Parang kanina may narinig akong nakakatawang usapan, gusto ko kaagad un sabihin sa kanya. May nakita akong magandang picture sa internet, gusto ko kaagad ipakita sa kanya. May narinig naman akong magandang tugtog sa radyo, gusto ko kaagad iparinig sa kanya. Gusto kong ibahagi sa kanya hindi yung mga naranasan ko, bagkus ung kaligayahan na nadama ko, Alam mo yun? Parang gusto kong hugutin yung saya sa puso ko at ibigay sa kanya para maranasan din niya yung katulad na saya na naranasan ko. Diba? Kaya sigurado ako, ikaw yung nakikita ko.

Tumingin ka naman sakin kahit minsan lang, kahit ibang tao kausap mo. Wish ko lang yung kausap mo ikaw nga ang nakikita, baka kasi iba nakikita nun.

Wala ka na namang sasabihin? Lumingon ka man lang hoy! namimiss ko nang marinig yung boses mo, sana sa susunod na marinig ko yung boses mo, siya yung nagsasalita.

sincerely yours,
Kuyajot

The LIKE LIST

Hey lookie it’s my LIST entry now to kick start my new blog chapter “Behind These Faces”. After some months or should I say years, at last, masusundan ko na ang aking HATE LIST post. Hehe! This time it’s the opposite, but of course, I won’t be listing things that are quite obvious, like blogging and music and everything inside the “The Junker Himself” Caption.

Up to now, I still don’t know what to list down, I’m on impromptu mode. Nagabago kaya ang mga ayaw at gusto ko? tignan natin. OK! Let’s start the August early with..

JOSH’s LIKE LIST!!! *echoes*

Let me do this by starting with. I like..

• the Kapitan Sino book
• the Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince movie
• (or rather love) my new friends
     (Sai, Nathan, Juvic and the rest of the Fresh Insite people, Jaja and the rest of the   Fresh Insite practicums, Carel, Chin and the rest of the BPU people)
• my new Celphone
• my Dad’s laptop
• our newly purchased Sun Wireless Broadband Internet
• post-processing photographs until they become a lomograph.
• fried egg cooked with Crispy Fry chicken breading
• Killswitch Engage (a band)
• Rico Blanco
• my Ako Mismo dogtag
• my new SMS alert tone (thanks to Sai)
• wearing green T-shirts
• wearing black T-shirts more

Sorry kung may di pa ko na mention.

Wah! Brain juice drained! Ill edit this post later. By the way, I like… to sleep already.

hahahahahahaha!

Not a good joke!

Kung sino man ang loko-lokong nagkalat ng masmang text.
I assure you, I’ll kill you with my two hands!
Slowly, with excruciating pain! I tell you!