The Bygone Progeny (Part 1) - All things I hate

October 19, 2009

“ Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” - Albert Einstein

He saw himself standing in a wilderness, the sight am not so good. The ground is made up of thick and blurry glass, but still, black, blue and maroon colored plants grew on it. He started to wander around looking for nothing in particular. With each step he makes, the reflection on the ground gets clearer and clearer. Suddenly a bright green light shone on the back of his shoulder, he turned around quickly and ran towards it in the hopes of finding that something even he doesn’t know. He ran for almost an hour only to find out that he’s not getting any nearer. He stopped running and bent his back in tiresome. He grabbed his knees and rested his whole upper-body weight on it. When he looked down on the ground, he saw his reflection, so clear. He’s not reflecting his own image, instead, he saw a tall dark guy with long hair and full beard devilishly smiling at him. He was stunned by the view and before he can even move a muscle, the tall guy already got off the ground and grabbed him in his neck. He can’t breathe. He tried to resist but the guy is so strong. He knew he’s dying. But who is this guy?

With his body soaked in sweat, he at once found himself lying on the floor. He was relieved to hear his mp3 player still playing the loud songs that he left on repeat before lying on his comfy bed. It was a bad dream. Good thing, his fall from his bed woke him up. And perfect timing, it’s a Monday night already, time for work.

 

“♫ Me! ♫ Me! ♫ All these things I hate revolve around me! ♫”

(All things I hate by Bullet for my Valentine)

 

Singing this song has been his Monday night mantra. He solely believes that singing this song with full energy will wake up his sleeping spirit even if his so called ‘neighbor granny’ yells at him every time with lovely phrases such as..

 

“Hey you have neighbors! It’s 9PM! Better wear that headphones of yours and silence yourself, you stokwa!”

 

And because he loves his neighbor so much, what he does is turn the volume up a notch enough to erase granny’s voice from the air. But for some strange reason, before he fully turned the volume knob up, he noticed that the granny stopped yelling already. He muted the player and tried to listen if the granny really stopped yelling, and yeah, she did stop.

 

He was worried, because the last time the granny stopped yelling was the last time she was brought to the hospital. So he stepped outside of his apartment unit and checked if there are any emergencies. He was surprised. He stood in the middle of the apartment’s hallway, granny’s unit is just the door after the door which is directly across his and there is no granny-emergency, but this is not the thing that surprised him. He saw all the units’ door swinging open as if someone is trying to scare a kid with a ghost-opening-doors thing. He’s old enough to think that this is just a prank, if robbers are in their apartment, why spare his unit?

 

All of a sudden, images of a certain person appeared in his mind, chaotically it is. His eyes were closed forcedly and he has no choice but to look at the images his mind is receiving. He saw the guy from his dream, this time, he saw him standing in front of the door across his unit, and he noticed that everything was being wrecked as if a tornado is in their apartment. The guy was laughing, laughing hard.

 

“You? You? Hahahahaha!”

 

The tall guy speaks very loud repeatedly, Miguel’s used to loud sounds but still the guy’s voice is too much for his ear to handle. He fell into his knee and grabbed both his ear for cover, he realized that his eyes are still closed but he did not wonder why he can see clear images. He just wanted to open his eyes and when he tried to, it was with ease and then everything’s back to normal.

 

When he tried to look back up to where the guy was standing, there he saw Granny Mary laughing at him.

 

“What are you doing there kiddo? What’s with the kneeling and everything? Hahahaha! I guess you should stop listening to your demonic mp3’s at once. It’s getting into your brain! Hahahaha!”

“My mp3’s are not demonic!”, he answered, he stood back up and returned quickly into his apartment unit.

 

***To be continued***

I am a typo victim!

October 7, 2009

For You

September 23, 2009

A nice letter for me..

“Hello love.. How do you do? It’s been sometime since I last wrote for you, it feels rejuvenating and relaxing. How’s your past days, weeks and months? It was hard for me, very hard.

It’s very painful, I am still reluctant and not yet very comfortable with the decision that we made. I guess that really is the ugly side when loving, the part called ‘pain’. And like your usual phrase goes: ‘It’s inevitable.’ . I believe you now.

I wonder if I became a good girlfriend, because for once I thought I wasn’t good enough. But sometimes I go back to myself and think, is this really just about me or something else is bothering you? I can’t think clearly.

For all that I’ve done and all that I haven’t, I’m sorry, but please, even just for a minute, put yourself in my place and try to rethink everything. I’ve tolerated your crushes on other girls, your somehow juvenile-ish and radical idealisms, your addiction to video games, even bought a PSP for us just to suit your craving. I even tolerated your almost-always anger and your mood swings. I trust you that much because I love you. But again, please, just try to think of my situation. Try to put yourself in my shoe and think. Feel.

I am now trying my best to change. Trying to shorten any gap that we have. But I can’t do this alone, I can only be midway my journey, I need you to meet me halfway and fetch me. To continue the journey. Together.

Whew.. Tears are falling, just like the rain I can’t do anything to stop it. You said before:

The water, it can turn into anything. Put it in a cup, it becomes the cup. Put it in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. Put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can flow, and it can crash. Be water my love

and now I guess I’m being water. I’ve already experienced the ‘crash’ and now I’m flowing. But really, I just wanted to have a container that can define my shape and my form. And believe me. My only container is you..“

Written by ME after putting myself on my Girlfriend’s shoe.

We’re back now. Isn’t that nice?

 

Taguan, hanapan

September 3, 2009

Taguan, isang common na larong pambata dito sa bansa natin. Well, nung panahon ko, dahil di ko alam kung uso pa ito ngayon.

Malinaw na malinaw pa isipan ko yung mga panahong bata pa ko at ang mga pinsan ko, at naglalaro kami nito. Minsan may pinsan akong magaling maghanap. Meron din namang madali lang talaga makita. At paminsan minsan, meron ding super galing magtago. Yung tipong sa sobrang galing niya magtago eh sumuko na lahat kaming kalaro niya eh di parin siya makita, hanggang sa maga-ayawan na at hindi na siya hahanapin, maglalaro ng ibang laro, parang normal lang. Syempre, makalipas ang ilang minto o misan oras ng pagtatago niya, lalabas din siya, galit. “Ang daya niyo naman eh, bakit di niyo na ko hinanap?”, “Hinanap ka na nga naming lahat eh! Talagang di ka namin makita!”, “Eh ganun talaga! Taguan to eh, hindi naman give-up-an!”.

Tama yung bata in a way, ganun talaga ang larong taguan, may pagtatago, at may pagkakatagpo.

May kakilala akong isang doctor noon, at meron siyang Terminal Cancer. Doctor siya, alam niya kung ano ang sakit niya at kung paano namamatay ang mga tao sa sakit na ito. Nasiraan siya ng loob, alam niyang wala nang pag-asa ang kalagayan niya at alam na niyang malapit na ang ending niya. Pinili niyang wag ipaalam sa mga kapamilya niya ang kanyang karamdaman, ayaw niyang mag-alala sila, gumastos ng malaki para sa alam na din naman niyang magiging resulta kung sakaling ipagamot pa siya. Pinilit niyang mabuhay ng normal sa presensya nila, hanggang sa tuluyna na nga siyang pumanaw. Gulat ang pinakaunang tugon ng puso’t isipan ng pamilya niya. “Bakit hindi mo man lang sinabi? Kung alam mong walang lunas, sana ipinaalam mo samin, nang nakapaghanda man lang kami! T-T”.

Ngunit tapos na ang lahat, hindi na nila napaalam kung gaano nila siya kamahal, walang nakaalam, parang normal lang. Masyado siyang nagtago, na nalimutan din niya na minsan, nakakasawa din palang maghanap ng mga taong ayaw talaga magpahanap. Mukhang ganoon nga talaga, may pagtatago, may pagkakatagpo, at meron ding pagsuko.

Mas gusto ko pa yung larong ‘Sardines’. Sa larong ito, ang taya naman ang siyang magtatago at lahat ng kalaro niya ang maghahanap sa kanya. Pag may nakakita na sa kanya, sisiksik ito sa kanya at magtatago na din hanggang sa paunti na nang paunti ang naghahanap sa mga nagtago nang kalaro. Padami naman ng padami ang nagtatago kasama ng original na taya, nagsisiksikan, naggi-gitgitan, nagha-hagikgikan, at kung minsan ay di mapigilang matawa ng malakas ang isa na nagiging dahilan ng pagkahanap sa kanila ng ibang kalaro.

Naalala ko minsang nilaro ko ang larong ito, medyo malungkot sa simula ng ako’y nagiisa pa at naghahanap sa taya, nasa isip ko, boring na, kailangan ko nang makita ang taya, kasi pag nakita ko na siya, sama sama na kami ng iba pang nakakita na din sa kanya, masaya pag nakita mo na yung taya.

Palagay ko ganun dapat ang buhay, hindi taguan, kundi hanapan. Hindi parang ‘taguan’ ang buhay, para itong ’sardines’ kung saan lahat ng tao naghahanap, lahat tayo gustong sumaya lalo na pag hapong hapo at pagod na pagod na.

Tara laro tayo, gawin nating parang sardines ang buhay at ang Diyos na si Jesus ang taya. Tiyak sasaya tayo pag nakita natin siya, tingin mo?

The Vortex of Paroxysmal Disposition

September 2, 2009