Now Thats Better

April 2, 2008

Haynaku… My blotting pen writes again…

Hey! It’s been a while since you last called me! It’s good to be out again! 

 

Don’t enjoy too much, your being-out wont take too much time. But anyway, you’re out now…

 

Yeah!

 

Sit with me you two…

Wait a sec! He’s also out? That coward? 

 

If I’m a coward, I won’t be in this body with the embarrassing fact of being you… 

 

That’s bull-crap! 

 

Shut up you two, don’t you two feel the changes? We’re almost amalgamated. 

 

Yeah I feel that… It happened after you trying to make us amalgamated. Some of our self-parameters we’re quite altered.

Damn this amalgamation. I feel like I lost a lot of energy, permanently. This sucks.

Why are you complaining? That’s what we planned before and that’s the way we want it to be. But we’re not done yet, you too are still quarrelling… 

 

But?!

Well… no ‘buts’ for now, it’s too late, we’re almost done, the only thing we need is to be the sleeper once again.

 

Hey! Hold it! That’s just 30 minutes of being out and you’re telling us to be the sleeper already?! Huh?!

Indeed! That’s what he meant! Now, I’m giving you a direct order to return inside! I told you earlier, you be out for a long time. I just wanted to inform you about the process, amalgamation waits…

Yeah… 

Oh God! Do I have a choice? I’m returning..

NOW THAT’S BETTER…

Why can’t I write? Nor can I understand… All of this writings & scriptures, it remained as remnants to others mind… But why can’t I do that again? And now, we’re left here in my mind, too deep that blood didn’t even reach it. I can no longer analyze nor comprehend… Its very frustrating…

The hell with you! Still trying to think about those writings? You can’t do it anymore; I more than know it… Admit it! Accept the junkie that you are. You’re good before, but ‘before’ is ‘before’! Why not try playing your old Al de Meola’s, that’s where you’re good at.

Human memory is limited. This mind can overflow, especially for us 3, so neat and sharp yet so fragile and brittle. Restacking is a must but it works hand in hand with deterioration. Something must be thrown away in order to take some other thing in, we just need to be careful to throw only the old and unusable ones and accept only the new and useful ones.

So that is why I can no longer understand the mysteries behind these writing?

Crap! You’re just a junkie!

Shut up!

True! Old mysteries, unseen… It will not stay for a long time; it will be renewed or will be totally changed. There’s no need to take full-heart trying to unveil those writings, it will be revealed soon, there’s just a right time. These scars, no matter how deep, will heal in time, hopefully, after this amalagamation…

Junkie!!!

And didn’t I ordered you two to return inside? Do it Now!

Cool! We’re going! We’re going!

Yeah… Thanks…

NOW THAT’S BETTER…

Thanks..

February 29, 2008

 wohoo!!! if hindi mo ako kilala ako si TM… i have no relationship whatsoever with the owner of this blog, yet here i am writing on his piece of *too toot*.

all is not well for the past few days, merong nangyari e. siguro a disturbance in the stars, or something i have no clue about occured. but in our family, there was a loss.

a loss that not only triggered emotional stress but also caused some of us to see how much mysterious this world can be.

 let’s call this mystery, death.

yes, some one in our family died, but he is not just another someone from our family (madaming someone sa amin, may samuel, may samantha, etc.) he is the most astig one from the family. forgive me for the term, but sa tingin ko that’s the only word i could give you to describe him. he’s th one who always gives us joy, naive guidance and other parently ewan. he is our grandpa. our tatay.

i was one of the members of our family na very vocal about what they feel. but when he died, i couldn’t be vocal about being sad. i couldn’t tell the world how much loneliness i was feeling that time. i know kasi that if i show them that i am sad (which i always do) hindi nila makikita yung side ko na nagpapasalamat.

nagpapasalamat sa mga binigay sa akin ni lolo, nagpapasalamat sa mga binigay ng (Holy One, whatever you call him) kay lolo, at nagpapasalamat kase i had the chance to show him how much i care.

i couldn’t be happier for lolo. yet i couldn’t be sadder that he’s gone.

kuya jot: "you’re done?"

TM: "yep, (wiping my eyes)."

kuya jot: "That (crying) is so gay, so, that makes me gay as well.. hehehe! joke.. That laugh is’nt real.. we’re out’ta here. Oh! plugs! come on spill it.."

TM: "siyep! dumudugo ilong ko!! punta kayo sa blog ko http://toothpickblog.blogspot.com, click niyo na lang.. thanks.."

Crap

February 20, 2008

This guy is taking crap while on stage.. hehehe!

Joking.. I just found out that one of my bandmates have this picture of ours.. how come I dont have one? I dont even know that we have pictures of our gigs!

Remorse

January 25, 2008

I just read ate Juliets letter. Up to now, I still feel remorseful. As a matter of fact, I feel very guilty.

I am one of the staff of pastor Noel last camp, unfortunately a bad cold and flu hit me and disabled me from doing almost anything. So I decided not to join the camp. When I called to inform Pastor Noel, a co-staff answered the phone and told me that Pastor Noel is in a bad condition and is in the hospital. Di ako mapakali… The next day, it was the day of the camp, I leardned that Pastor Noel s gone. I cried. I cried like a child. I felt a deep guilt inside me, I felt that I abandoned Pastor Noel and the project Genesis team.

Hanggang ngayon, I feel very guilty. I miss Pastor Noel. He became a bestfriend of mine. Everytime we meet for our monthly BS, he always leave a strong thought in my mind, and a good smile in my face. I cant believe that that’s not going to happen anymore. He was the one who started to call me ‘kape’. No one’s going to start that bullying on me anymore. Up to this day, whenenver I got to think about him, I cry. I know it might sound gay, but I really do cry for him. Even in public.

But I know that he is in Gods prescence now, and if he’s here to talk to me, I know that what he will tell me to be brave and strong, dont feel down for Gods plan for everyone is for the good.

Why?

November 29, 2007

Its been quite a while, after a month or two, my mind is starting to feel nothingness, my body also. I have been inactive for ages that my brain almost forgot how to grab a pen (a keyboard) and write (and type). I missed writing, and now, I guess Im just doing what Ive missed.

'Ideas' becoming 'plans' turning into 'actions' making a 'situation'. After months of contemplating, something triggered my mind to write again. A powerful word that can make a person die, make a community suffer and even make a country fall. What word? POVERTY.

Manix Abrera once said in his comic book: madami na daw nagugutom ngaun, pero kung tutuusin eh hindi talaga sila nagugutom, bakit? kasi wala na silang concept ng 'busog', di na nila naranasang magkaroon ng sapat na pagkain sa katawan nila, kaya normal na ang 'gutom' sa kanila, wala na silang concept ng 'gutom' kasi wala na silang concept ng 'busog'. - Which is soooo true..

Sadly, nothing's happening.