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Remorse
January 25, 2008I just read ate Juliets letter. Up to now, I still feel remorseful. As a matter of fact, I feel very guilty.
I am one of the staff of pastor Noel last camp, unfortunately a bad cold and flu hit me and disabled me from doing almost anything. So I decided not to join the camp. When I called to inform Pastor Noel, a co-staff answered the phone and told me that Pastor Noel is in a bad condition and is in the hospital. Di ako mapakali… The next day, it was the day of the camp, I leardned that Pastor Noel s gone. I cried. I cried like a child. I felt a deep guilt inside me, I felt that I abandoned Pastor Noel and the project Genesis team.
Hanggang ngayon, I feel very guilty. I miss Pastor Noel. He became a bestfriend of mine. Everytime we meet for our monthly BS, he always leave a strong thought in my mind, and a good smile in my face. I cant believe that that’s not going to happen anymore. He was the one who started to call me ‘kape’. No one’s going to start that bullying on me anymore. Up to this day, whenenver I got to think about him, I cry. I know it might sound gay, but I really do cry for him. Even in public.
But I know that he is in Gods prescence now, and if he’s here to talk to me, I know that what he will tell me to be brave and strong, dont feel down for Gods plan for everyone is for the good.
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hi josh “kape”
i was searching in the internet something about pastor noel, a blog, a write up he made that i didn’t know, becasue i am trying to find some helpful insights that would help me understood and for even a little bit make sense of everything that ha happened. maybe somewhere in the internet he has kept a blog that tells something about him, he couldn’t talk about with me. in my search, i found your blog.
did you know that i kept on asking the guys what ever happened to you, why wern’t you in the camp, or have i ever seen you in the wake?
almost 6 months had passed, i’m now running Project genesis, and the ministry he left. things are not the same anymore, although the ministry is doing great, and the students that i minister called ConneXion continues to flourish even more.
i was saddened when i read your blog. please don’t ever blame yourself or feel guilty about not showing up, or even disappointing pastor noel. i know he wouldn’t want you to stay guilty or sad even for a moment.
i forgive you. i know he would. i know he’d understand why you didn’t show up.
i release you from any condemnation you have for yourself. everything that happened , happened for a purpose.
by the way, i took over his bible studies at cityland. so if you’re still with the foundation, i would like to see there this first week of july.
you may want to visit us here at the house every saturday, or any day you are free. my house is being use as a student center of the RTU guys.
i hope to hear from you soon. please visit my blogsite at friendster.
hoope to hea from you!
Posted by juliet guina at June 6, 2008, 5:18 pm